Warning: This post was previously password protected. It has now been made public since it now has limited, if any, relevance to the internal workings of the NSW Greens. A significant number of the issues raised here have now been wholly or partially addressed or are in the process of being addressed
As I originally stated this blog was leaked to Crikey by a person or persons unknown, most probably from the Inner Sydney Greens. The media then published all or parts of it based on the idea that it was true.
I told Crikey at the time that that the post was satirical in that the level of exaggeration was such that it could not be considered an accurate reflection on the workings of the Greens NSW.
It was and is not supposed to be taken seriously. Itâ€™s meant to be sarcastic, or facetious. Itâ€™s called satire. Like all satire there may be strong elements of truth but it is not supposed to be taken literally. Crikey understood this but in the interests of sensationalism it ignores my statement as all second rate publications will do if they see the chance for a story – even if that story is largely garbage.
For others, especially those in the Greens NSW with a sense of humour that is developmentally constrained. Itâ€™s supposed to be funny. If itâ€™s not then thatâ€™s your problem – you take yourself too seriously – you should consider joining the Mormons or the Scientologists. The Greens are not supposed to be a cult.y.
The Wylieâ€™s Baths election and weather report
The weather at Wylie’s today is stormy….
Episode 1- Prologue
The Oxymoronic offer
The call came at 2pm. In Katherine, NT.
It was a very important Greens person. Or it would have been if the Greens had very important people. Which they don’t, of course. Because, being an egalitarian bottom up organisation, everyone is equal. So, all are unimportant. Or all equally important. Which means no one is important in the normal usage of the word.
Nevertheless this was an important, unimportant person. Would I like to apply for the position of Greens Campaign Coordinator for the 2015 election? Note the two key words in this sentence â€œlikeâ€ and â€œcoordinatorâ€
Because the idea of â€œlikingâ€ to be campaign coordinator in the Greens is a sort of oxymoron. A bit like asking someone if they’d â€œlikeâ€ to be tortured. It’s not strictly an oxymoron since I guess some people like being tortured â€“ you know BDSM or whatever they call it. Stuff I don’t know anything about. For example, all the poor people that voted for Tony Abbott in 2013.
So back to the point. Like and coordinator. Because in the Greens you don’t direct anyone nor do you manage anyone. These terms are â€œverbotenâ€, since, God forbid, we would ever give anyone an instruction.
Actually that term should be “god”. Because as Greens we are ungodly. And being ungodly we know that god doesn’t exist. Therefore s/he is not a person. So god. Not God. And not he, because we’re equal opportunity atheists. If you are not going to be a non-god then you need to be an equal opportunity non-god. Not just a jobs for the boys sort of non-god.
But I digress. Itself a common problem. If I was in a Greens meeting that would be normal. But in a blog? No digression.
Here is the nub. Because, in the Greens, you can’t direct or manage but only coordinate, running an election campaign is difficult. No power. Lots of responsibility â€“ especially if the Greens do badly in the election. If they do well someone had responsibility for that success, but not you â€“ no that would be the elected MPs. You know the unimportant ones. But no authority. So it’s not fun. You can’t â€œlikeâ€ it.
Anyway I was about to go on three months holiday. It was July 2014. Ask me again. In three months. Or next election. That was round one. Life went on as normal. Two months in the Kimberley. No days in the office. Perfect one day and even better the next.
Anyway the Greens, are like Greenpeace, or the social change movement generally. You can check out but you can never leave. â€œWhat really? You asked to be removed from our database 27 years ago and you’ve since received 5263 emails asking for donations? So sorry, we will remove one of your octotriplicate entries right now.â€ So it’s not actually a conspiracy. It’s just our server smoked too much weed and it can’t de-dupe itself properly any more.
I was having a nice time on the last month of my holiday and the phone rang. Or rather it was an email. Was I really sure I didn’t want to work 14 hours a day seven days a week for the next four months and get shouted at by 93 local groups, a couple of very important candidates and the odd office bearer or three? But we’ll give you your own office, a key, 7 meetings a week, the 22nd best salary you’ve every received and whooping cough. It’ll really be very nice.
Being motivated by a strong moral conscience, a desire to change society and good values I thought about it. No, not really interested. I checked my bank balance. Oh, all right. I would start in a month.
I went to the shops. I bought a whip and flagellated myself. I felt I needed to get in training. To be in the zone. Next stop Glebe. Sydney, NSW.